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Do you wonder sometimes why people act unreasonable and childish sometimes, often many times during a single day? Childish reactions are the cause of most conflicts and relationship issues. This known as age regression. Many people don’t recognize it when they do it, and instead believe that they were provoked by other people or circumstances.
In my work with leaders in organizations I have come up against anxiety time and time again, in many different forms.
It shows up in individuals, with leaders waking up at 4am in the morning worrying about all sorts of things, from the seemingly inconsequential to the potentially catastrophic.
Everyone complains occasionally. Complaints can sometimes lead to improvement in relationships. But there is something we must keep in mind about seeking that particular path to improvement. Complaining is a self-reinforcing activity. The more we complain, the more self-righteous we feel, and the more self-righteous we feel, the more we feel entitled to complain. Although complaining differs significantly from expressions of contempt, chronic complaining looks a lot like contempt.
We can all relate to being criticized and then feeling terrible. There is not a single one of us who derives pleasure from being criticized. It hits all of us very hard and certainly takes a toll for several reasons. One of the main reasons that criticism is so painful is because it stays with us longer than praise. This is truly a shame but it is the painful truth.
People come to psychotherapy because they want to feel better. A big part of a therapist’s ability to help a person feel better lies in their taking a loving stance toward that person. This stance starts with a therapist’s understanding that it takes courage for another person to come to them and their sense of feeling privileged by the trust that person invests in them. The rest of this article describes the other core ways in which therapy involves love and why this matters.
One of the least talked-about aspects of dreaming is emotions. These strange creatures have stirred up many a restless night in the form of fear, anger, or despair. They take many shapes in our dreams: a large, poisonous snake ready to strike; a homeless woman yelling profanities; a deep chasm ready to swallow the unsuspecting. In these moments, we can flee, fight, or surrender. Each action (or inaction) has its consequence and connection with how we move through waking life.
These are hard times for children, and so for parents. There has been a sea change in the nature of childhood over the last decade or two, one that makes it harder for children to learn the basic lessons of the human heart and one that ups the ante for parents who used to pass these lessons on to the children they love. Parents have to be smarter about teaching their children basic emotional and social lessons.
In addition to containing many moments of joy, life clearly also involves hassles. Sometimes, in addition to the everyday challenges, we find (or put) ourselves in situations which seem absolutely unbearable, and we’re overwhelmed by powerful feelings that if unchecked might cause us to act in destructive ways.
Here are a few more thoughts to keep in mind for couples that have difficulty communicating. First and foremost, the fundamentals of any relationship, trust and commitment, are at the heart of effective communication. With trust, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and we can express our true thoughts and feelings. With commitment, we approach conflicts with the interests of the marriage in mind rather than our own personal needs, so we tend to be more accommodating and better at listening.